The Dark Tower

Review: ‘The Dark Tower’ flimsily stands atop solid foundation

Hollywood has been looking to Stephen King for adaptable source material for decades now. Some projects have become classic works of cinema, such as The Shawshank Redemption or The Shining. Others have been cast aside and forgotten like many of the restless spirits in King’s works.

Despite widely varying results, there is an obvious hunger for seeing King’s nightmarish imagination play out on the silver screen. Still, many have opted out of adapting The Dark Tower series, which is largely considered King’s magnum opus.

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Fast forward to 2017. Not only do we have a live-action retelling of Stephen King’s iconic novel, but it features two of the biggest stars on the planet in Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey. And while the collision of so much talent may seem like the cosmic workings of a greater power (a turtle, perhaps?), I’m afraid this iteration of The Dark Tower is doomed to the limbo of forgotten Stephen King movies.

That isn’t to say The Dark Tower is an outright mess. It isn’t. It’s actually pretty fun throughout thanks to occasional flashes of inspired world building and a strong outing by Elba as the heralded gunslinger, the last in a long line of badass cowboys who guard The Dark Tower from forces that would do it harm.

Duo

Matthew McConaughey’s Man in Black is one of those forces. He’s a powerful sorcerer who causes people to stop breathing or hate their own mother (no, really) by simply waving his hand. However, the Man in Black does more damage to the actual movie he’s in than anything.

Whereas the gunslinger seeks revenge for the death of those closest to him, no such motivation is given to the Man in Black. He wants to raise The Dark Tower and destroy the universe because he’s evil and that’s the type of thing evil characters in these types of stories do. It comes off as if no attention was spared to his development. Not even the Academy Award winning  McConaughey sparks any excitement from the one note writing. He delivers each eye-rolling line with spectacular boredom.

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But the Man in Black is only one convention inside an overly conventional film. Oozing from the mind of Stephen King, The Dark Tower movie should at least feel like a singular experience. Nobody tells the types of stories he tells and his creative influences are felt even during the most lackluster of his adaptations.

I knew where this movie was headed the moment Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) had his doodling pad ripped from his hands by the school bully, right down to the laughable final showdown. And I was right. You don’t have to possess any Shine to be able to predict each next step in this fantastical journey.

Grade: C+

What did you all think about The Dark Tower? Did you have fun with it? And what did you think about Matthew McConaughey in this role? Let us know in the comments section below!

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Port of Dorks Podcast Ep. 16: The Dark Tower & Atomic Blonde

The Port of Dorks Podcast is back! In episode 16, the dorks discuss the roller coaster movie that is The Dark Tower and the new Charlize Theron spy thriller Atomic Blonde!

What do ya’ll think about these films? Did you like or dislike one more than the other? And who is more brooding: Charlize or Idris? Let us know in the comments below!

Sony’s ‘Venom’ finds its star in Tom Hardy

You read that correctly.

The in demand actor Tom Hardy is set to star in Sony’s standalone Venom movie, which will feature the titular Spider-Man villain from space. Zombieland‘s Ruben Fleischer will direct from a script written by Scott Rosenberg (Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle) and Jeff Pinkner (The Dark Tower).

Venom will be the first entry in Sony’s planned Spider-Man extended cinematic universe. Ironically, there are currently no plans to include the web-head in this cinematic universe (at least not the current Tom Holland version). Sony has also announced a standalone Black Cat and Silver Sable film.

Venom swings into theaters on Oct. 5th, 2018.

*Opinion*

This is a bold move on Sony’s part. It’s smart casting and a strong foundation for a Spider-Man movieverse without Spider-Man. Initially, I wasn’t excited by the idea. Now, I’m dying to see this movie!

What do you think of this news? Does this excite you for Sony’s Spider-Man-less Spider-Man universe? Let us know in the comments below!